I have been meaning to write an update on my “back to work” adventure for a while now, but things have been so busy, and I have been so tired… it just hasn’t happened. I’ve officially been at the job four months now, and am past the initial hurdle. At this point, I am telecommuting a good chunk of time, and work in the office three days a week.
Things are going really well, for the most part.
Doodle and I at home in San Diego, I got a week with my family on the beach thanks to a work trip gone awry.
I told you a while back that my co-workers were amazing. I feel like I could really do any job as long as I like the people I work with, and I really hit gold with this group of women.
My department has the perfect mix of personalities. We’ve got a strong department head, who is funny and kind, and also doesn’t take any bull or pull any punches (which is exactly what you want for a boss). I’ve got an always kind and well-spoken coworker, and one that is sensitive and caring, and one that is sassy and a little bit snarky and a ton of fun. I’ve got one who always has time to listen, and always has good advice. I’ve got one that is quick to help, and another who is always asking questions and trying to make things better. They make a fabulous team, and I am so glad to be a part of it.
The work I am doing is really rewarding. It’s a great feeling to know I’m helping people. Sometimes, I get to do goofy, fun things. And sometimes, I get to do really meaningful projects. I love being able to tell stories that mean something, and hopefully introduce more people to the realities of military life. I love thinking that I am making a difference, even in small ways, for the community I love.
Sick kids have been a bit of a reoccuring theme around here…
Most importantly, my work really has turned out to be every bit as family friendly as I had hoped. The kids were sick this last week, and I was able to care for them like I needed to, and adjust my work schedule accordingly.
Despite all the good, and despite how happy I am with work… I am still exhausted. Hard to put one foot in front of the other exhausted. I still feel like I am drowning a lot of the time. I’m still struggling. And it’s my fault really.
Can you believe peanut is crawling now??
The thing is, despite knowing rationally that going to work was going to mean change for my family, I don’t want anything to change. I don’t want to give anything up. I LOVED my life before going back to work. I still want to do it all. And I am still stubbornly holding on to it.
I am slowly learning where to compromise, and where I need to ask for help. I did hire a couple people to help me with this blog. They are doing a ton on the back end, and it’s been a lifesaver. I did have to compromise on the type of schooling Bug is doing, and he is enrolled in a summer class and some live online classes this fall to ease my load. I’m trying to let go of what I can (which is hard for a type A person). I can’t do all of this alone. I just can’t.
I’m still holding on. There are some things I am just not willing to give up. I am not willing to walk away from this blog. I am not willing to stop homeschooling my kids. I am not willing to neglect my house. I am just going to have to find a way to make it work, or something is going to have to give.
One perk of working- special mommy and me dates every once in a while before work.
To be fair, it’s not just me and work and the kids. My husbands job here is proving to be a much larger stumbling block for me than I had expected. He travels a ton, and I miss him like crazy. I still don’t have a solid “tribe” here. I don’t love our neighborhood. I don’t have the support group I need to survive, and I am lonely in a way I have never experienced before. That in and of itself makes me even more greatful for work, because it gives me people to talk to each day… without my coworkers, I don’t know how I would get through this assignment (military lingo for the amount of time we are stuck here, dealing with this job).
Basically, we’re still in a “we’ll see” phase.
I’m anxious for the balance to come, and am extremely nervous about what life will look like this fall when we are back to school full time with all the kids. I have three to teach this coming year, and I think I have good curriculum lined up, and a good plan in place… but we all know how plans go. I signed the kids up for activities and sports around town in the hopes that the promise of meeting people outweighs the lost time. I’m hoping things get better, and some of the weight on my shoulders will ease up.
Swim lessons and ice skating hopefully will lead to new friends!
At this point, I just need all the prayers and positive thoughts and help I can get. I need to find a way to make this all work for us, and to not feel so tired. I am so glad for the help I have, and all the people who are cheering me on or supporting me in one way or another. I know this is just a “season” of my life, and it’s all going to work out in the end. It would be lovely if I could get it to stop feeling like we’re in survival mode.
That’s where we are at. If you have any tips for me, I’d love to hear them in the comments! 🙂 Thanks for listening!